


a string of wants could stretch for miles

by heylovely_itsme



Series: this pain wouldn't be for evermore [2]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/F, ahh i love these women so MUCH, and they love each other a lot!!!! and that makes me very very happy, ariel THANK YOU FOR INSPIRING THIS YOU'RE THE BEST, excessive use of metaphors and em dashes, it takes place about an hour after that last part ended, mentions of the ot3, oh man i'm SO proud of this and i don't really know why, okay hope you all like this!!, that warning should come with all of my writing tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28376427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylovely_itsme/pseuds/heylovely_itsme
Summary: “You woke up, I— I’m so glad you woke up.”“Yeah, everyone’s saying that.” CJ laughed, then covered her chest in pain.Her voice was soft and drowsy, tone not matching the self-assured words. Andy should have expected that, since a few days ago, CJ hadn’t been able to breathe without a machine. She should’ve, but she hadn't. It was hard to think of CJ, invincible, brilliant CJ, as someone who couldn’t function on her own.(Andy visits CJ after she wakes up.)
Relationships: C. J. Cregg/Andrea Wyatt
Series: this pain wouldn't be for evermore [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077941
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	a string of wants could stretch for miles

**Author's Note:**

> i don't really have an explanation... i just did this thing with my current favorite f/f ship! and i loved doing it! and i hope you guys do too :D 
> 
> ariel: this is for you, girl. thank you for putting up with my rambling and random messages, i'm SO GLAD WE'RE FRIENDS!! you already read this and gave me exactly the validation i was craving, and i can't thank you enough for that haha— here's to wonderful internet friends and converting them to your obscure ships!

Andy stepped into the room, placing a pale hand over her mouth. 

“CJ,” she whispered. 

Her ex-girlfriend gave her a wry smile from her spot on the hospital bed. 

“Hey.” 

Her heart fluttered like a bird that was flying for the first time. Andy had never been so happy to see someone smile. 

“You woke up, I— I’m so glad you woke up.” 

“Yeah, everyone’s saying that.” CJ laughed, then covered her chest in pain. 

Her voice was soft and drowsy, tone not matching the self-assured words she spoke. Andy should have expected that— a few days ago, CJ hadn’t even been able to breathe without a machine. She should’ve, but she hadn't. It was hard to think of CJ, invincible, brilliant CJ, as someone who couldn’t function on her own. 

She walked forward slowly, trying to figure out how to help without making her uncomfortable. CJ waved her off, self sufficient as always. 

“I mean, I get it. I’m pretty extraordinary.” 

She gave her a smirk, catapulting Andy back to lazy makeout sessions on their bed, to that beautiful smirk staring up at her from between her legs. And to many, many more memories, mostly PG, of how that look sent fire coursing through her veins, like she was a high schooler with her first crush. 

Perching on the edge of the bed, Andy pursed her lips. 

“That’s certainly true,” she murmured in agreement. 

CJ blushed like fire was spreading through her body, and Andy grinned. She loved this woman so much it made her crazy. 

“Oh. CJ, before you, uh—“ 

“Got shot in the chest?” 

“Yeah,” she swallowed. 

“You called me. I don’t know how much you remember.” 

CJ held up a hand to stop her, groaning loudly. “Shit!” 

“What?” 

“I totally embarrassed myself!” 

“No, it’s fine, it’s totally—“ 

“It was just an accident, you know?” 

“Yeah,” Andy breathed. She felt her heart sink. “Yeah, I figured.” 

And she had, logically, but knowing it and hearing it directly were two very different things. She shifted her weight awkwardly, figuring it would be best to change the subject. 

“Oh!” CJ drew her out of the trance with an excited gasp.

“Congratulations on the Healthy Youth Act, I know that was your baby.” 

“Thanks,” Andy smiled. 

Then, she gave CJ a look. “How the hell did you know about that? It happened, like, two hours ago.” 

CJ smiled, as mischievous and brilliant as ever, no matter the scars on her body or the IVs pumping blood into her veins. 

“I have my ways.” 

“Claudia Jean, you better not be trying to work right now—“

“I’m not, I’m not,” she rolled her eyes, exasperated. 

The movement obviously hurt more than she let on, but CJ just kept her cool. 

Andy wanted to smile— that was her girl, more committed to keeping up a sarcastic facade than admitting some pain. But it was scary, if she was being honest. If CJ didn’t start owning up to the undoubtedly excruciating pain, Andy was scared she wouldn’t ever recover from it. 

“I’m going to have to go back to work soon, though.” 

“CJ, you really don't want to talk about this with me.” She cut her off, already knowing what CJ wanted and what she thought about it. 

“Why the hell not? You know as well as I do that those boys can’t function without me, and the White House certainly can’t function without a Press Secretary,” CJ scoffed. 

“And you know as well as I do that you can’t move!” Andy raised her voice without meaning to, regretting it immediately when she saw CJ’s crestfallen face. “Shit. I’m sorry. It’s just—” 

“I know.” 

The two women sat there in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. 

“Still. I’m really sorry.” 

CJ looked at her with reassuring eyes. “It’s okay. You were right, we shouldn’t have talked about it. Not when I’m still stuck in this stupid bed.” 

Andy nodded in regretful agreement. She chose her next words carefully, not wanting to fracture the careful peace again. “So, how are you feeling?” 

CJ shrugged, leaning back. “Good.” 

“Really?” 

She fixed her with the classic Andrea Wyatt gaze, a look that clearly didn't put up with any bullshit. 

“No,” CJ snapped. 

Then, she sighed, the fight draining out of her like a beer bottle knocked onto its side. 

“No,” she repeated softly. “It hurts to breathe, and to laugh, and to do anything. And then that goes away sometimes when I sleep, but everytime I close my eyes I’m back there. And they’re shooting at me, or Toby, or Josh, or Sam, or Donna, or you.” 

Andy’s mouth went dry. She closed her hand around CJ’s and pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder— “I’m so sorry, darling. But I’m right here, okay? No one is getting hurt, we’re all safe.” 

CJ shook her head, wild eyes a million miles away. “You don’t know that. No one thought I was going to get hurt, and I did.” 

“Yeah. But there’s a reason that bullet didn't kill you. You’re too damn strong to be taken down by fear.” 

“I don't know if that’s true.” 

CJ tried to laugh, but Andy just looked at her, unblinking. 

“I do.” 

The way CJ looked at her after that made Andy feel like she was on display in a museum, all bare bones and exposed skin. But CJ didn’t look at her with hungry eyes, like something to be conquered. She was gentle in her love, reverent. Like Andy was a dazzling star in the night sky, and CJ was just lucky to be watching her. CJ loved her exactly the way she was— she always had, and that made Andy’s heart ache more than anything. 

“I should probably get going,” she said softly. 

CJ nodded, staring down at the bland bed. 

“Thank you for coming to see me, though. I’ve missed you.” 

She gave her a smile, and it made Andy’s heart so full, like CJ had just proposed marriage or something. Andy got up from the bed as slowly as possible, trying to minimize the abrupt change in pressure in hopes that would lessen CJ’s pain. That plan was blown to pieces when CJ grabbed her arm, pulling Andy to face her. 

“I meant it, okay?” CJ whispered, like saying the words softly would diminish their meaning. 

She drew in a quick breath. Andy thought back to the words she had heard only a few days before, that felt like a lifetime ago. _I love you._ CJ had said that, she had been shot, and she was sitting here now, trying to tell Andy she still felt the same way. 

Andy barely had time to register what she was doing before placing a pale hand on CJ’s cheek— “So do I.” 

She could barely get the words out before CJ was pulling her close and kissing her. 

Kissing her like the last five years had never happened, kissing her like Andy was a diamond and she was a sculptor, kissing her like both women had thought about a million times since they had last touched. Andy cradled CJ’s face in her hands, fingertips grazing her jawbones like CJ was almost too precious to hold. 

The first kiss was cautious, tracing her fingertips over the ground that had shifted. CJ had become sharper, tougher, and Andy loved her just as much. There was no room for softness in this world, not for women like them. There were new landmarks to explore, give where there used to be pull and sharp edges where none had been before. This was brand-new territory, and she was only just getting acquainted. 

CJ pulled back for a second, just a second, and her heart stopped. Andy almost exploded at the look on her face, open and wanting and just begging to be kissed. CJ wasn’t hesitating for her own good— she was giving Andy a choice. So she leaned back in, raking her fingers through CJ’s hair and kissing her the way she had dreamed of ever since they had last touched. They both melted into it, losing themselves in the feeling of having someone else to hold onto. Someone to love.

Andy felt electrified, everything in her lighting up as this woman touched her. This wasn’t just another kiss, this was fireworks and sparks and everything she had wanted as a little girl. This was them, Andy and CJ, finding their way back to each other after a long drought of loneliness. This was water, this finding water after years in a desert— and Andy was _so_ fucking thirsty.

This wasn’t what either of them had pictured when they had imagined kissing each other for the first time in years. This wasn’t a picture-perfect kiss, wrapping up their story neat and tidy with a bow.

It was a breaking point, the culmination of desperate relief and celebration and a testament to just how goddamn strong they were. This was a declaration of life, of the fact that they were here, together, no matter what. 

And it wasn’t perfect, they were both painfully aware of that. CJ could feel her breath running out and her bones aching, a reminder of all they had been through. And they had so much more to say, to figure out— not to mention the Toby of it all. 

Andy wasn’t even sure if CJ knew what she had meant, if she understood that Andy was talking about every single time she had thought those words in private, and when she had confessed her love to an unconscious CJ. And talking about how she felt right now, her heart overflowing with every bit of love this universe had given her as she held the world in her hands. Or, at least, that’s what it felt like. 

This is what she had missed the most— the _wanting._ Andy felt a sort of euphoria, like every single nerve in her body was awake and alive and aching for more. She wanted to stay in this moment forever, to wrap her arms around CJ’s neck, pull her in, and keep making out in a fucking hospital bed. That was what happened with love, she supposed. Every moment was one that you wanted to cherish and hold on to like a shooting star, too bright and too fast to ever catch up to. 

But she had to let go. CJ had to rest, and recover, and they had a million problems standing in the way of their happiness. But right now, neither of them could think of one. 

This woman would be the death of her, she knew— but right now, hands tangled in CJ’s hair and an awestruck smile on her face, Andy couldn’t care less. 

**Author's Note:**

> ahh thank you for reading it!! 
> 
> title from runaway, run by molly ofgeography— YES AGAIN because seriously her lyrics are the best!
> 
> please leave me comments and feedback, i'll love you forever!


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